Week 5 Story: Just a Game
Tom was an All-American hockey player and was the best in Pittsburg.
He had major dreams of going to the NHL one day but now he was only 17 and
could only work on perfecting his craft. He cam up through the ranks as a young
boy being the best on any rink he stepped foot on. He once had a teammate whose
name was Jared, who he had done wrong to unintentionally, but Jared never
seemed to forgive him. They came up
through the ranks together all the way to their senior year where both of them
ended up being drafted by the Pittsburg Penguins. They were both climbing up the
ranks on the team and found themselves to be two of the best on the team, let
alone in the NHL.
Time came and the captain of the Pittsburg Penguins at the
time retired. The coach had two guys in mind to take his place, Tom and Jared.
Tome was in the better position to take the job because of the connections he
had made with the rest of the teammates, but Jared would not let this stop him.
Because way back when Tom
unintentionally done wrong to Jared, Jared went home and told his parents he
wished he could always be placed at a higher rank than tom, and that tom would
never be better than him. Well that night the hockey gods were looking out for
Jared and placed a curse on Tom that would hinder him from ever being placed
above Jared. So, when the time came for the captain job came to be filled,
Jared gained the position of captain.
Tom was heartbroken and whet home constantly wondering what
he had done wrong. But what he never realized was it was not what he currently
doing wrong, but what he had done in the past that came back to haunt him years
later.
(Pittsburgh Penguins, Photo Source: Penguins)
Authors Notes: This story is based off the book DivineArcher
by F.J Gould. And the section was called the succession. The
story I wrote loosely follows the plot of the section, but with different
characters and a different route of a plot to reach the end. The original story
was when Kaikeyi demanded Dasharatha to sentence Rama to exile for fourteen
years, and name Bharata be named the successor to Dasharatha. This is because
Kaikeyi was granted two wishes by the king many years ago, from something
previous that had happened.
Hey Drew! I would just like to start off by saying, I loved your story! I can see that you put a lot of hard work and imagination into your writing. I also enjoyed the new characters that you brought into the Ramayana! This brought me a new perspective while I read your story. Therefore, I will end by saying keep up the good work! Good luck with the rest of your semester!
ReplyDeleteVery interesting perspective. I liked how you turned this into a sports story. Definitely a diverse take on the original but you adapted the plot well. Just watch out for those little spelling mistakes. There's a couple small ones in there but nothing major. They're easy to skim over. Overall, nice job!
ReplyDeleteHey Drew! You have done an awesome job on creating your own story. It is cool that you changed the plot of your story and made your characters as hockey players. The layout of your story and details are very creative too. It is awesome that you made Jared feel more motivated to never giving up on what he truly believes for himself. However, some people might wonder what Tom unintentionally did wrong to Jared? It was also creative that you made the hockey gods put a curse on Tom so that he would never be placed above Jared and then Jared became captain. Overall, you have done a great job for creating your own story this week! I liked how you changed the original story to creating an All-American hockey team and talking about being drafted for the NFL. Lastly, maybe Tom did deserve for what he had done to Jared in the past, but we would never know what he did.
ReplyDeleteHey Drew! I really enjoyed how you took the premise of this story and put like a sports/hockey twist on it! That’s a pretty unique perspective and it was nice to have more of an “every day, modern” take. I am curious though, what exactly did Tom do to Jared unintentionally to wrong him? I’m pretty curious since he seems to hold a grudge for that long, and had a curse placed on Tom by the gods, so it seems pretty darn serious! I do wonder what would happen if Tom confronted Jared over the incident in the past, and it would be interesting to know if they could ever work this problem out. It’s also interesting that Tom doesn’t really know why he didn’t get the captainship and doesn’t really remember what happened in the past, to the point where he would think about that years later! Overall, I enjoyed reading your story, and I enjoyed your take on it!
ReplyDeleteHey Drew! I really liked how you related this story to sports! I did a sports themed story as well, and I was curious who else would want to do sports. I really liked how you had a specific setting in Pittsburgh. It brought a modern feel to the story and made it feel realistic while I also see the connection you were making with the original story. When you said that it wasn't what he was currently doing wrong, was that to imply that he knew he was doing wrong currently? You mentioned that what he did in the past was unintentional, but is he aware of it now or is he still unaware of the wrong he did to Jared? One suggestion would be to bring more of a back story of Jared in, and maybe even give him a chance to explain why he chooses not to forgive Tom for what he did. Great story and I look forward for more!
ReplyDelete-Eric
I appreciated the hockey spin on the characters- the sports angle is really creative! I found myself wondering what Tom had done, and whether it was the action itself or his failure to make up for it that doomed him in the end. Jared is a lucky guy to have the hockey gods looking out for him. Hopefully the two can rekindle their friendship, and maybe co-coach together in the future.
ReplyDeleteHey Drew,
ReplyDeleteThis was a great story and I enjoyed being able to read it. The hockey twist that you made this story in to is really creative. It is nice being able to turn a story into something that you really enjoy while still keeping the original message of the story intact. I just wonder what did Tom do to harm Jared?
Hey Drew, what a great story! It was such a great change of stories from the original with sports. That is definitely a big change from the originals. Sports are always a good topic and a fun one to read so any story on that is good. Your story is very well detailed that I could really imagine it well. I really look forward to more of your stories and keep up the good work!
ReplyDelete